Why am I bothered by men dating much younger women? Cause I’m getting old.
Always have a code word…
Me: Medium Soy Latte with one Splenda please.
Barista: I’m so loopy. I had a liver cleanse and now I have blotches all over my body.
Guy behind me: (to me) Have we met?
Me: We had a bad date once, right here at Starbucks.
Barista: Your name?
Guy behind me: (under his breath) Lisa.
Me: You should try another liver cleanse.
Guy behind me: Do you want to go out again?
The moral is never go on a bad coffee date at your home Starbucks and don’t ever have a liver cleanse.
Sometimes laughter is a defense… …and sometimes it’s just plain offensive.
Sometime I want to believe I’m playing it cool. This is not one of those times. If only there was a reset button… so I could take back my dignity.
Robbie and I just wanted to share our love…
I was not going to air this episode…
and then my amazing sound engineer said,
“I don’t think you like it cause you look like a schmo, don’t worry we all look like schmo’s sometimes.”
So here is my best schmo forward…
Yes, we all have our moments… thankfully those beautiful souls who love us know it’s just a moment.
You knew when you met me what I did….
I wrote about me, the ones I love, and the ones I don’t love anymore.
You knew that when you met me.
I wanted you, so I stopped writing, I wanted you back, so I stopped writing.
But now I want me…
So here I will lie naked…. sometimes with a blanket slightly covering my stretch marks.
…. And slowly I will stand up, completely naked in a blaze of glory with my stretch marks shining in the stark sun… my lopsided breasts sagging for even the Martians on Andromeda to see….
Cause that’s what I do to be me.