Comedy With Stretch Marks

I tell stories about love, marriage, children, divorce, dating after fifty, aging parents, hiking, perimenopause, shoes, and more shoes, sex, awkward sex, menopause, grown children, viagra, yoga, and popcorn.

Welcome to my life… silly, painful, hilarious, awkward and very cheeky!

I hope this makes you feel better about your own life, cause we all fall down. So we might as well laugh about.

ENJOY!

Let me entertain you…

Work with me…

The Blog

115: Dystopian Lisa Orkin’s Love Bites

Planning for the worst How to leave a love note on iTunes for my Podcast. From your computer: 1. Open the iTunes software on your desktop. (Not the web version.) 2. In the search bar (upper right-hand corner), type in “Honestly Lisa”. 3. Click on our album cover that...

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115: Get off Facebook! Lisa Orkin’s Love Bites

I'm just trying to understand why they voted for Trump. You have been listening to a Love Bite! Love Bite's are based on real conversations from my LOVE LIFE. The man in this episode and actually every Love Bite is played by the one and only Robbie Rist. We've made...

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113: Lisa Orkin’s Love Bites Drippy

Aging gracefully with each other's help... Our body becomes so much more human as we age and we learn new normal in humility. Sprouting wild hairs and leaky bodies can be sexy. Okay, not really, but I am desperately trying to tell myself a different story. How to...

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Moms are Allowed to be Funny Too! feat. Jennifer Vally

Lisa Orkin feat. Jennifer Vally I admit that this episode is ripe with name dropping, and might not be very deep. But it was good to talk to someone who I feel is a contemporary of mine as well as someone who was in the same shoes as a young mom and comedian. Ye Olde...

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111: Lisa Orkin’s Love Bites Don’t Love You Anymore

Just in time for Valentine's Day..   How to leave a love note on iTunes for my Podcast. From your computer: 1. Open the iTunes software on your desktop. (Not the web version.) 2. In the search bar (upper right-hand corner), type in “Honestly Lisa”. 3. Click on...

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Sleeping Together After 50 is a Riot!

Sleeping together after fifty is a riot! Honestly, between getting up to pee 3 times each. We try to go right after each other to lessen the parade in hopes of getting actual sleep. Yep, it's a pee pee parade.  Then there's free floating anxiety, heart palpitation,...

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109: Lisa Orkin’s Love Bites: TV Talking

Lisa Orkin's Love Bites: TV Talking How to leave a love note on iTunes for my Podcast. From your computer: 1. Open the iTunes software on your desktop. (Not the web version.) 2. In the search bar (upper right-hand corner), type in “Honestly Lisa”. 3. Click on our...

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Here's the Poo Poo Platter

I have all kinds of ways of sharing my stories, audio, video, words and on my podcast.

Below are some shortcuts.

That's me ↓

I Got Love Bite's?

Love Bites are re-creations of real deal conversations from my love life. Little mini ROM-COM's for your ears. You can listen to the one below and if you likey click here to listen to more.

Popular Posts

Working from Bed is Good prep for the Here After

You never have to make your bed. You don't have to wear shoes. You can work in many different positions. I know my sleep problems are most likely because I use my bed for things other than sleep. I have been told numerous times... don't look at your computer right...
SEYMOUR

Have You Ever Broken Your Johnny?

Things happen! And I need to know your middle name! I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. Walt Disney
SEYMOUR

Diary Of Dating A Pothead!

I don't think the break up was really about the amount of weed he smoked... it was the shoes. My thoughts on the green leafy thing have changed over the years. No weed was actually smoked in the making of this Love Bite. I smoked pot in college, and in the Army…” – Al...
SEYMOUR

Dear Writing God!

Dear WG, I am sorry I have not written today. I feel like I let you down. I did stare at my computer for hours, though, and did something constructive – I returned a pair of shoes (jeweled flats), because on my little feet they made me feel like an old Jewish lady...
SEYMOUR

Breakup Induced Pity Sex

Sometimes you need a palate cleanser after a break-up. Honestly Lisa's Love Bites! Comedy with Stretch Marks.
SEYMOUR

Don’t ever ask someone if they’re pregnant unless you see a leg hanging out between their legs.

My nail lady looked in my eyes when she massaged my hands today. It felt so intimate I started to giggle.

When I was eighteen, I got a tattoo of Janis Joplin on my hip. When I got pregnant, Janis grew and grew and grew, then snapped back. Now she looks like a sad Woody Allen.

I have to work so hard not to fart when I sneeze.

Is it wrong when I see a nice guy my age and wonder how healthy his wife is?

I wonder if my cat likes me, or is that a reflection of how I feel about myself?

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