Comedy With Stretch Marks

I tell stories about love, marriage, children, divorce, dating after fifty, aging parents, hiking, perimenopause, shoes, and more shoes, sex, awkward sex, menopause, grown children, viagra, yoga, and popcorn.

Welcome to my life… silly, painful, hilarious, awkward and very cheeky!

I hope this makes you feel better about your own life, cause we all fall down. So we might as well laugh about.

ENJOY!

Why Surrendering isn’t Giving Up with Ted Kruse

Previously a pastor. I met Ted at a Rob Bell lecture/seminar. Ted is painting houses now. Grew up in a legalistic Christian background. Was a pastor for about 17 years, expresses it was both the best and worst of times. He didn't know how to navigate depression that...

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Deadly Dating and a Dad from Carpool Line

There is a hairy naked man lying in my bed, and I don't even know his middle name. He's wearing obsession and I'm wearing cucumber scent together we smell like shwarma. It's our third date, the sex date. My mom fixed me up with him. He's the first man I've been naked...

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Here’s the Poo Poo Platter

I have all kinds of ways of sharing my stories, audio, video, words and on my podcast.

Below are some shortcuts.

That’s me ↓

I Got Love Bite’s?

Love Bites are re-creations of real deal conversations from my love life. Little mini ROM-COM’s for your ears. You can listen to the one below and if you likey click here to listen to more.

Popular Posts

Working from Bed is Good prep for the Here After

You never have to make your bed. You don't have to wear shoes. You can work in many different positions. I know my sleep problems are most likely because I use my bed for things other than sleep. I have been told numerous times... don't look at your computer right...
SEYMOUR

Have You Ever Broken Your Johnny?

Things happen! And I need to know your middle name! I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. Walt Disney
SEYMOUR

Diary Of Dating A Pothead!

I don't think the break up was really about the amount of weed he smoked... it was the shoes. My thoughts on the green leafy thing have changed over the years. No weed was actually smoked in the making of this Love Bite. I smoked pot in college, and in the Army…” – Al...
SEYMOUR

Dear Writing God!

Dear WG, I am sorry I have not written today. I feel like I let you down. I did stare at my computer for hours, though, and did something constructive – I returned a pair of shoes (jeweled flats), because on my little feet they made me feel like an old Jewish lady...
SEYMOUR

Breakup Induced Pity Sex

Sometimes you need a palate cleanser after a break-up. Honestly Lisa's Love Bites! Comedy with Stretch Marks.
SEYMOUR

Don’t ever ask someone if they’re pregnant unless you see a leg hanging out between their legs.

My nail lady looked in my eyes when she massaged my hands today. It felt so intimate I started to giggle.

When I was eighteen, I got a tattoo of Janis Joplin on my hip. When I got pregnant, Janis grew and grew and grew, then snapped back. Now she looks like a sad Woody Allen.

I have to work so hard not to fart when I sneeze.

Is it wrong when I see a nice guy my age and wonder how healthy his wife is?

I wonder if my cat likes me, or is that a reflection of how I feel about myself?

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